Been having a hard week and I know I need to do some writing but I keep stalling. My asthma has been really bad and something about not being able to breathe makes me flash alot. Plus on top of that my dad was in the hospital for a few days and because I was sick I couldn’t go see him.  Trying to fight off the depression but not doing a good job of it. Just feels like I’m being swallowed up by everything- insiders wanting to be out, littles crying cause the body is sick, trying to put a “good face” on for family and friends, guilt for wanting to pretend that I’m “normal” with no DID or any other mental stuff, guilt that I should be making jewelry and being creative but all the energy I had for the last 4 weeks has disappeared some where, angry that i was abused, angry about the ritual abuse, angry about memories, angry that no one no one no one no one no one said a damn thing when they knew or suspected stuff was goin on, and then there’s the aloneness like a dark smothering cloud. So gonna let my insiders do their thing here and find a quiet corner inside.

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