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Well I took the plunge and saw the need so started a webring for bloggers re: mental illness. Not sure how much of a response I will get but Im hoping it will help others.  Anyway if your interested here’s more info


Learning to cope with flashbacks is a necessity for people dealing with ptsd and DID. Sometimes things as small as a sound or smell can trigger a flashback which can lead to a full blown panic attack. Over the years I have learned to cope with flashbacks in different ways and everyone I have talked to has their own way they feel most at ease with. These are just a couple of the things I use when I’m having a flashback:

  • Reminding myself of the present date, year etc. That I am no longer a child but an adult and that what I am remembering isn’t happening right now- ie its a memory.  *This also helps having someone say it to me.
  • Using my senses to draw me back to the present. I think of 3 things I can smell, hear, feel, and see. For example: I can smell coffee toast and eggs, hear the TV, neighbors and cars, feel the floor, chair, desk and see the wall computer, TV. This also helped friends when I was involved with online support groups.

With the recent medicine crisis and the fact that the next 4 months are hard ones for me, I have been going over what I learned concerning staying out of the hospital. I know for me there are certain things to watch for, one or two are OK but any more than that I know I need to tell someone and most likely go inpatient.

The first thing that usually happens is I go off my medicine. That’s not too bad as long as I get back on it as soon as I’m aware that Ive/we’ve stopped taking it.  The next thing is usually isolation, when I get really depressed I don’t like to be around anyone which is not always a good thing.  Self harm is the third thing to watch for and I know if I am doing any self harm I need to tell someone because I’m now one quick step away from the hospital. I have insiders who self harm when things are really bad and that’s not good if I’m losing time. The last thing is feeling suicidal which is a definite hospitalization.

A few years ago I used to be in and out of the hospital a lot. Learning what signs to watch for has helped me stay out of the hospital for several years now. Does that mean I will never be inpatient again? I doubt it but I definitly wont be there as much as in the past. I do know though that now I have more control over if and when I go to the hospital than I did before and that has helped a great deal in how I feel about myself.

I hate Hate HATE trying new medicine.  I know in the end it helps so that I can function better but when I first start on it I get sooooo tired and it is so frustrating. It took almost 3 weeks to get something that might actually work. First getting in to see the doctor and then of course the red tape with the insurance company. It took all I had to keep my insiders who self harm from doing anything while we worked the medicine crisis out. It’s been years since I’ve had to go inpatient and I didn’t want to go that route. I’m so thankful for my therapist and doctor because they worked close with me so that I could avoid the hosptial. We’re not totaly through this yet but so far no nasty side affects. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Once again I reach the top

Only to find there is more at the bottom

That needs to be looked at

So many to hear

So much to see

They can’t be forgotten

Their pain ignored

It happened before

But not now, no more

The young ones cry out

To be held,


Made to feel safe

To be protected

So as I stand at the top

Hearing their cries

Feeling their pain

Holding back the tears

Once again I descend.

 This is a big thing for me right now. I had worked very hard on getting all my insiders to work together so that wecould function to get things done. Then I moved to be closer to my family and “out of protection” for my child insiders I tried to keep them all from fronting so they wouldn’t get hurt. Hmmmmm not a wise thing to do. I started losing time again and when my current therapist confronted me on it I realized the big mistake I made.  So now, since its been 2 years of “holding down the fort” I find that I have to re establish cooperation with some pissed off insiders so that I don’t lose any more time. At times it feels the switching is out of control which is why things take so long to get finished right now. I came across an old poem the other day that reminded me that I need to not forget to appreciate them for all the help they have given me over the years so that I could go on living.

    At this point in my life I believe I am at a place where Ive accepted who I am and embraced all the different parts that make me Me. It’s not always easy, in fact it can be very exhausting at times but I still have alot to learn. Personally I have chosen to work towards cooperation as opposed to integration because it works well for me. I can’t say which one is the best for anyone else because I think each person who lives with DID needs to make that decision for themselves. I’m exhausted right now but I will right something up later on what I have learned as far as working toward cooperation.

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