Petals of Life

Well I’m sitting here, another sleepless night. I love this picture and looking at it makes me realize even more how much I have screwed up since I have moved back to RI. My system worked together so well. We functioned much better. Different ones, like Toni, were given time to express themselves more. I wasn’t afraid to be out around people. I keep thinking about a video on DID I saw the other day. One of the things the author said that really struck a nerve was that she was afraid of people finding out because she was afraid they would leave her and that it would be like re-victimization. I realized that’s part of why I tried to “shut everything down” and keep everyone in. Part of it I know was for their protection too because I didn’t want the little ones hurt by some people in my life, but still… I miss Toni’s sketch books scattered all over. I miss Hope skipping and sneaking out for grilled cheese sandwiches. I miss the group projects and plans, the saturday cartoons, coping and functioning. I’m thinking it’s time for change.